Tag: Life

One of those days…

Where I feel like a total failure.

I failed to smile when I woke up today to greet the boys good morning as I had house chores running through my head.

The little one had been running a temperature since 4 days ago. He had a school trip earlier and I was worried that he will not be okay. I failed to focus on him being happy and excited for the trip as I was more worried of him not getting better, but in actual fact he was.

I failed to keep it cool with the D before he left for work as I felt like he didn’t care enough.

I failed to get some nap as my mind was occupied and I cannot rest.

I baked some vanilla cupcakes which ended up really moist which was not to my liking – of course I failed in that department too.

I failed to show restraint and respect, lack of maturity and started telling the boys off, using my wonderful book of limited vocabulary, if you know what I mean.

At the end of the day, I failed to keep everything to myself. I rather avoid talking about them, after all, D had a long day in the office and I do not want to tire him down with the unnecessary but one of the boys had to do something which triggered me and i revealed everything. What a total failure!

Infatuation

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It started out with a decent gesture. Something that most people will not pay much attention to. A thank you text that lead to a lot of other texts and you know you will have to put a stop to it before it gets out of control. Marital affair is nothing but messy.

Infatuation – an intense but short-lived passion or admiration for someone or something.

We are both married. Although marriage is hard work, I am very much in love with my partner.

So he tells me he admires me for the choices I make and compliments me on my looks. I try very hard to keep my replies to his texts friendly and professional. I don’t deny the fact that compliments always brighten my day. And the texts eventually get a bit off topic, to the extent that I knew he had an affair before which cost him his first marriage. You can sense when the conversations get a little deep. He started to sound creepy. We are in the fitness industry and I am sure we will have to work together at some point of time. And I do not want it to be awkward. I tried to reject his offer the best I can without hurting his feelings. Well, that didn’t work.

I confided in a few people that I trusted. And of coz, I told my partner about it. Do I need to be nice to him? Is he going to help me in the future somehow? Is maintaining this friendship that important to me? Do I really need this?

But I realized that as far as men goes, you must tell them straight in the face that you are not an interested party to make them understand.

My last text to him was….

“You know what? I am going to be straightforward with you. You took me being friendly for all the wrong reasons. We should stop texting each other. We can talk in class but I guess that’s about it. I am not interested in doing this thing that you are doing. And I am not interested in you. I think you should treasure your wife and family more. I’m sorry.”

And his reply…

“Thanks for being frank! Still, I apologize for crossing the line. Will respect your decisions.”

And this was about a month ago…

I miss blogging

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So, I’ve been away for awhile now. I totally kept one of the blogging rules in mind, “If you want to keep people engaged and coming back, you should post three or four times per week on your blog to keep my readers from wondering whether or not you’re coming back”.

The truth is, my lappy has been giving me some problems lately. It gets really slow even to start up and halfway through the journey of being on the cyberspace, it gives up. I really think I need a new one. But right now, I don’t really have much to spare as I am saving up for rainy days (More like I have a couple of trips to look forward to and having spare cash will absolutely help!)

Anyway, I miss blogging. I’ve only started recently and I realized I miss writing them. I miss the words that flow out of me, I have been too quiet lately. I suddenly feel like my world is so mundane. I need to write again.

So right now, I am using Bug’s lappy to blog this. He promised to bring it home with him everyday so I can continue being happy in my little space 🙂

Milk And Honey

by Rupi Kaur

is a book of poetry depicting love, loss, abuse, violence and womanhood. It comprises of four chapters with each delivering a dissimilar intention.

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It is a sure 4/5 as I feel every woman needs this somewhere easy for her to reach in times of hardship. No matter what bitter moments you are going through, Rupi Kaur gives you hope that you are never alone. And you, are a survivor.

Let me share with you some of my favorite lines…

” you tell me to quiet down cause my opinions makes me less beautiful but I was not made with a fire in my belly so I could be put out 

I was not made with lightness on my tongue so I could be easy to swallow

I was made heavy half blade and half silk difficult to forget and not easy for the mind to follow “

” if you were born with the weakness to fall you were born with the strength to rise ” 

” it takes grace to remain kind in cruel situations “

” I like the way the stretch marks on my thighs look human and that we’re so soft yet rough and jungle wild when we need to be 

I love that about us how capable we are of feeling how unafraid we are of breaking and tend to our wounds with grace 

Just being a woman calling myself a woman makes me utterly whole and complete ” 

Absolutely beautiful.

Photography

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A great photograph is full of statement. I find a great sense of fulfillment when I see one. A few words to many disclosure, it’s an art of watching, observation. It’s about what it feels like, not what it looks like. It is full of soul. It does not need any explanations yet it is understood anywhere in the world.

I was definitely not born to do this for I don’t think I can ever do it, not in a million years.

Life is a struggle

No? You don’t think so?

Well, at least for me, it is. 

I struggle to sleep every single night. It is seriously taking a toll on me. Maybe because I had too much caffeine during the day. Maybe I should get myself checked for insomnia. But every night after we put the boys to sleep, when there is peace and quiet in this small little place we call home, i get my ME time, OUR time. I’ve got so many things going on, like, i get to do some kindle reading, on line shopping, face booking, instagramming, and what we love most besides getting WE time, we really get to do some serious television.

Speaking of which, we are currently on ‘Orange is the new black’. I have to say that we are criminally addicted to the brilliant show. Combining marvellous script, strong wonderful multi talented cast, suspense, dark humour and comedy, nobody above the legal age should miss this. It’s a daily night date with superb acting Taylor Schilling, the gorgeous Laura Prepon, the divalicious Laverne Cox and “Crazy eyes” Uzo Aduba(I cannot un see her doing her character, it’s disturbing!)

I  struggle every morning just to start my never ending daily routine as i truly want to sleep in just a little bit longer, just a bit more, please… I struggle to settle the boys, the cats, the evil house chores. Istruggle not to snack although that buttery cheese biscuits are staring back at me as though wanting me to bite into them so they can do what they do best, melt in my mouth and add those unwanted calories which will end up somewhere at my rear end. I struggle to do my yoga even though its just about 200meters away from my house coz i get lazy and all i want to do is sit on the couch and stay comatose forever.

I know I probably should stop complaining, suck it up and go through with it, but hey, i am only human. A strange human, with strange human emotions that confuses the shit out of me. After all…