Tag: #motherhood

Parents on the phone – when is it too much?

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Have you seen this viral image posted on facebook of a poster being pasted outside a daycare center telling parents to get off the phone and pay attention to their kids?

I understand that as parents, we have alot of things to deal with everyday. Some of us are working and we need our phones to settle urgent work emails, we have to liase with our spouses on certain things that needs to be done, catching up on world news to keep ourselves updated or simply having to score the best WWE supercard for that day. I am guilty too for spending too mich time on my gadgets.

But I think, our children want to feel valued and appreciated. We want to build a stronger relationship with each one of them. We need to keep on communicating with them to comprehend what our children are thinking so we can provide a venue for them to rant about the day. And giving them all our attention sends a very important message like “You are important to me”, “I enjoy being with you”. After all, our undivided attention may be the most valuable asset we can offer to our children.

On Being a Stay At Home Parent

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It has been almost a year since I left my nursing job. The truth was, Bug and I had been considering this idea since a couple of years before after we had our 2nd child but we never got to execute it. We were faced with the dilemma on how to manage the boys after we had our 2nd one. I had to return to work after 4 months of paid maternity leave. We do not have much options on childcare. I was not keen to send my baby to childcare at an early age due to some personal experiences. Basically, we were doing this on our own.

We had people close to us saying that it wasn’t a good idea if I were to leave my very secured job. What was I to do being a SAHM (Stay at home mom) at a very young age. How it was going to affect our finances since I was earning quite well, how tough it was going to be for Bug to work on his own in a country like this, where everything is so expensive. We didn’t get the support we wanted. And so we put the idea aside and got a helper instead.

Having a stay in helper (better known as maid here) was really a roller coaster ride for us. It was definitely not the best choice. It was the ONLY choice. We were going through some really hard times. Having to juggle work, family commitment, the children needed us more, I was trying to find time for myself to do other things that I had to, Bug was doing his studies after work, having to care for the helper who is supposed to ease your load but instead was giving us a lot of issues to deal with. So after much discussions with Bug and  thinking it thoroughly, without consulting anyone at all this time, I followed my heart.

Being a stay at home mom has been a very worth while experience not only for me but for Bug and the boys as well.

I spent more time with my family. I used to have to leave home for as early as 0630hrs to make sure I get there on time for our roll call and will only get home by 1800hrs. I had to rush through preparing dinner (my helper doesn’t do the cooking. I prefer not to due to hygiene purposes). I didn’t have much time with the boys and by the time I get to sit down with them, I was dead tired.

I actually like not having to go through all the stress of having to do everything to be successful. I think many women are pressured into feeling that they must be both a mother and a career woman to be successful in life. This is absolutely not true. I wake up everyday be there for my boys and that makes me feel really contented. And I worry less about their well being too. Bug really appreciates it as he gets to fully concentrate on his career and plans to further his studies again soon.

We are spending much lesser now. I get to save on the electricity bills, water bills, cut down on the marketing expenses and learn how to budget myself. I used to spend money like the way I waste water. I am still learning the difference between needs and wants everyday. I also learnt not to judge someone by the things they wear or carry, or how they look or what car they are driving in (we are travelling by public now. If you know how expensive a car is in Singapore, you will understand why). This is truly a humble journey and I believe I am becoming a better person because of it.

These are just some of the things that benefits me in being a homemaker that I can think about right now. I am not saying that it is all good. I still face ups and downs sometimes and there are a lot of negative points in being a homemaker too. I am living life the way I want it to be and that makes me happy and fulfilled. Be honest, ask yourself what you really want in life. What makes you happy. If you are happy working for you and your family, then that is your journey. But if you think that you want to stay home and be there for your family, then do it. Either way it is not going to be easy. But life is unpredictable. Make full use of it. Live life to the fullest. Never regret your decisions. Be happy. Be truly happy. This is what every parents deserve no matter how you get there.

The First Day of School

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The facebook pages and instagram feeds are loaded with pictures of children going back to school. Bug and I decided not to do it this time. The truth is, I don’t really like exposing the boys too much to my kinda social media. I will talk about this next time.

So parents, why do you make it seem so tragic to let go of your children? Even to school? I think modern parenting has gotten some of us confused on the boundaries when it comes to managing our children. Modern parenting is one of the other topics I would like to talk about sometime soon, I hope.

Yes, they are going to go through another phase in life. I totally agree that you need to support your little ones 100%. It is never going to be easy to get rid of the parent attachment we have towards our children but your children need to grow up. Changes like these are important in their milestone. Letting go does not mean we are bad parents. We will have to allow them to grow at some point in life, allow them to find their own way in this world and let them know that we will be there no matter what, if they ever need us. Be happy. You are indeed teaching your little ones something valuable.