Almost 20 years ago, I was sponsored to take up a Personal Trainer certification by one of the well established sports organisation. Halfway through it, I underwent some life changing events which somehow got me another calling. Something which I keep close to my heart to this very day, something which I contributed a part of my life returning back to the society. But never once did I forget that “Almost 20 years ago”. So when I had the opportunity to, with all the support I got from the person I trust the most – Dy, I decided to give it another shot. So this morning, I was greeted with something wonderful in the mailbox. Thank you coach Eugene Lee, for leading us through 😉
Where I feel like a total failure.
I failed to smile when I woke up today to greet the boys good morning as I had house chores running through my head.
The little one had been running a temperature since 4 days ago. He had a school trip earlier and I was worried that he will not be okay. I failed to focus on him being happy and excited for the trip as I was more worried of him not getting better, but in actual fact he was.
I failed to keep it cool with the D before he left for work as I felt like he didn’t care enough.
I failed to get some nap as my mind was occupied and I cannot rest.
I baked some vanilla cupcakes which ended up really moist which was not to my liking – of course I failed in that department too.
I failed to show restraint and respect, lack of maturity and started telling the boys off, using my wonderful book of limited vocabulary, if you know what I mean.
At the end of the day, I failed to keep everything to myself. I rather avoid talking about them, after all, D had a long day in the office and I do not want to tire him down with the unnecessary but one of the boys had to do something which triggered me and i revealed everything. What a total failure!
It started out with a decent gesture. Something that most people will not pay much attention to. A thank you text that lead to a lot of other texts and you know you will have to put a stop to it before it gets out of control. Marital affair is nothing but messy.
Infatuation – an intense but short-lived passion or admiration for someone or something.
We are both married. Although marriage is hard work, I am very much in love with my partner.
So he tells me he admires me for the choices I make and compliments me on my looks. I try very hard to keep my replies to his texts friendly and professional. I don’t deny the fact that compliments always brighten my day. And the texts eventually get a bit off topic, to the extent that I knew he had an affair before which cost him his first marriage. You can sense when the conversations get a little deep. He started to sound creepy. We are in the fitness industry and I am sure we will have to work together at some point of time. And I do not want it to be awkward. I tried to reject his offer the best I can without hurting his feelings. Well, that didn’t work.
I confided in a few people that I trusted. And of coz, I told my partner about it. Do I need to be nice to him? Is he going to help me in the future somehow? Is maintaining this friendship that important to me? Do I really need this?
But I realized that as far as men goes, you must tell them straight in the face that you are not an interested party to make them understand.
My last text to him was….
“You know what? I am going to be straightforward with you. You took me being friendly for all the wrong reasons. We should stop texting each other. We can talk in class but I guess that’s about it. I am not interested in doing this thing that you are doing. And I am not interested in you. I think you should treasure your wife and family more. I’m sorry.”
And his reply…
“Thanks for being frank! Still, I apologize for crossing the line. Will respect your decisions.”
And this was about a month ago…
So, I’ve been away for awhile now. I totally kept one of the blogging rules in mind, “If you want to keep people engaged and coming back, you should post three or four times per week on your blog to keep my readers from wondering whether or not you’re coming back”.
The truth is, my lappy has been giving me some problems lately. It gets really slow even to start up and halfway through the journey of being on the cyberspace, it gives up. I really think I need a new one. But right now, I don’t really have much to spare as I am saving up for rainy days (More like I have a couple of trips to look forward to and having spare cash will absolutely help!)
Anyway, I miss blogging. I’ve only started recently and I realized I miss writing them. I miss the words that flow out of me, I have been too quiet lately. I suddenly feel like my world is so mundane. I need to write again.
So right now, I am using Bug’s lappy to blog this. He promised to bring it home with him everyday so I can continue being happy in my little space 🙂
So, I had my first Zumba session for year 2017 this morning. It felt really great having to start working out again after 2 months of hiatus.
Basically, I suffered an injury to my right foot. Had increasing pain upon pressure applied over the 5th metatarsal region after a jog. Was very sure it wasn’t a sprain.
The idea of having to go through x-rays and MRI to get it diagnosed was really too troublesome for me. I definitely do not like the idea of having to have a cast or an orthopedic shoe on as I need my foot to move around from one place to another. So, being a capable medically trained person, well, at least I think so, I nursed it back to life.
So, I cannot wait to be physically active like how I used to be. You know how exercising can be truly addicting. Once you start, it’s a hard habit to break. And I feel pretty goddamn motivated after today’s class. Strong is truly the new sexy!